Afraid of the Night

Ever been afraid to go to sleep?

Perhaps its nightmares that would keep you up? Something like Freddie Cruger haunting you? Perhaps you hear the song – 1,2 Freddies coming for you. 3,4 Better lock your door, 5,6 grab a crucifix, 7,8 stay up late. 9,10 Never sleep again.

Honestly as a teen the Nightmare on Elm Street movies scared me more than any other horror movie ever has. Just thinking of Freddies burned face and clawed hands gives me the heebie jeebies. And that song – along with images of a little one on a tricycle. Ugh. Well if there was a chance I was gonna sleep tonight – that chance has passed. I didn’t sleep much in the weeks after viewing any of those movies.

Or – perhaps like me prior to my move to CA, the weather channel has kept you up. Hours watching thin red and yellow blobs move across the screen while tickers race below alerting residents of various counties that funnel clouds have been spotted or worse that tornadoes are on the ground.

Before diabetes – basically before life had gone pear-shaped* – horror flicks and severe weather were the only things that would keep my head off my pillow.

Then enters diabetes, in the first few years there were the occasional nights in which I would keep vigil, read a book or watch TV rather than set an alarm. Mostly because it just seemed easier. But for the most part if blood sugars were not behaving I would set an alarm or two and cozy back into my bed. The alarms rarely failed me.

However, sometime in year four I realized I was finding it more difficult to hear my alarms. Solution – move my alarm clock into my bathroom, turn the volume way up and have heavy metal blast through the night. Problem solved. For a bit.

In the last year I have become completely numb to my alarms. I can set a half-dozen alarms at the most ear deafening volumes and I will not wake up. Or worse – I will wake up long enough to turn them ALL off without a clue I’m doing it.

My dear husband has always been alarm deaf. I’m sure it comes from years of me hearing them, getting up and taking care of business. I’m certain he hears them but he knows believes I’m on it. There are nights that I have said – if you hear my alarm make sure I get up, and he does. I mean he makes sure that I get up or at least that I become conscious.

I am now at the point that I cannot trust myself to get up to alarms in the wee hours of the night. My solution – stay up. I rarely go to bed before midnight and most nights its much later. I am afraid to sleep.

My kids blood sugars aren’t always crazy high or crazy low so there are nights that I can safely go to bed by midnight. Yet there is a little voice – no it doesn’t sound like Freddie but it might as well – that says “what if?” Am I finally loosing it?

Should I be looking at color swatches for my padded room? I wonder if they have blue?

I know what would help me. I know there is a wonderful device that monitors blood sugars and had the ability to alert me should danger present itself. Sadly those devices are costly – like car payment costly – and just not attainable for us without the help of insurance. And because the FDA has not yet given the green light on the devices to be used by those under 17 I am at their mercy. Our insurance is a stickler for the rules. There are insurance companies out there that recognize the value of continuous glucose monitors for kids despite the lack of FDA sign-off. I applaud those companies – clients before cost. Because lets face it the only reason a company would hide behind FDA approval on a device that can’t possibly hurt the user is the almighty dollar.

Yes it would mean I would have to hear the alarms but something tells me I would. I believe this because I would get more sleep overall which means I would not sleep walk to the alarms and shut them off before crawling back in bed unaware of my actions. At least in theory.

So dear FDA – please pick up the pace with the approval of the Dexcom G4 continuous glucose monitor for those under 17. You are my Obi Wan Kenobi – and my only hope.

*pear shaped – describes a situation that went awry, perhaps horribly wrong. (I love the UK – The British have the coolest ways of saying shit)

Thursday Shout Out

So yesterday @saraknic author of Moments of Wonderful  shared her Wordless Wednesday post via Twitter. (Wordless Wednesday’s is when bloggers “only” post picture(s) – no text – on their blogs). @HenshawKim – new to blogging (1Type1) –  inquired as to what “Wordless Wednesdays” was. Sara was kind enough to share the themed day idea with her. Kim then asked what other theme days there were. I shared DSMA’s Blog Carnival with her but then also shared the following tweet: “On Thursdays it is #shoutout day – feel free to write all about me. (shhh Sara don’t tell her I made it up)” Of course I was having a go at Kim at the time, but all day today I was thinking “Why The Heck Not?”

Thus – today (possibly the last day of humanity on planet Earth due to large celestial bodies lining up and possibly disrupting/reversing Earths polarity or messing with gravitational pull causing climate chaos – but who’s worried?) The little voice inside my head just made the “Ahem” sound because I was straying from topic.

THUS – today I wanted to shout out to Tony @blogdiabetes. Tony produces podcasts dealing with diabetes and shares them on his blog Blogging Diabetes. Some of his podcasts are him sharing new technology, tips, tools, ideas and humor. Many of his podcasts include interviews with people prominent in the diabetes community, diabetes advocates, doctors, dietitians, fellow diabetes bloggers and more.

I had listened to a few of Tony’s podcasts back in the spring of 2012 but alas I got crazy busy preparing to move to CA and without daily reminders let the podcasts slip away. Recently something – and I don’t recall what or who – made me revisit Tony’s podcasts. His latest podcast (at that time) was an interview with Mike Lawson @MrMikeLawson @WSWCL  and I don’t miss an opportunity to hear Mike’s stories. He tells the best stories. After listening to Tony and Mike chat about diabetes, diabetes and dating, mirror mantras, the DOC (Diabetes Online Community), other great DOC peeps, and more I realized that I loved listening to others chat about all the things I care most about.

I normally listen to audio books while I clean house or take long drives. Listening to something while I clean improves my efficiency since I am less likely to be distracted by social media, the TV or my bed. Today I enjoyed listening to Tony discuss his experience with the Dexcom G4 CGMS (Continuous Glucose Monitor) while running errands around town. Tony made standing in line at the post office a little less miserable.

So here it is my Thursday Shout Out is to Tony @blogdiabetes for his informative, insightful, and often humors podcasts. Thanks Tony – keep’m coming.

Don’t Mind My Voice

This year brought huge changes in my life – in my families lives. The biggest change for our family was a move across the country from Texas to California. For me the biggest change was becoming part of a larger community. Not a community connected by streets, courts, high school football games and the local Starbucks – a community connected by something much stronger – love, support, understanding, and a common goal – to end diabetes.

Don’t misunderstand me – the move from Texas to Cali was life changing. At times before and after the move I thought it would do me in. Luckily I have amazing kids who are resilient, a husband that devotes himself for providing what is best for all of us and again,  – a larger community of people in the DOC (diabetes online community) that helped me feel less alone.

This months DSMA Blog Carnival asks bloggers to write a 2012 in Review Post. click this link to learn more on how you can participate.

“Take a moment to reflect on diabetes in 2012 – on a personal level, on a community level, on a technological level, anything you can think of.  What things stand out to you the most?  What did 2012 and Diabetes mean to you?  You can even take the challenge one step further, and post a collage of your Year in Diabetes!” 

I have attempted to write this post a few times. It either got too wordy or didn’t share enough. Thus I thought I’d make a vlog. How difficult could that be? Well it was a lot more difficult than I anticipated. Technological difficulties using my photobooth application on my apple computer left me frustrated – it looked like a poorly dubbed kung-fu movie. After I finally got a video recorded and tried to load it was told it exceeded the maximum size for my blog. ARGGGG – here is where YouTube comes in.

Warning – I write like I talk and I talk like I think – thus I ramble.

Thanks for checking my first vlog out. HERE

Sunday Seven

oops forgot to post – DVRd episodes of Two and Half Men got in the way.

  • Always check blood sugars before ascending 150 feet up. Kids were stuck 15 stories up on a malfunctioned ride for 15 minutes. Hadn’t checked them prior to. Yes I was freaking out.
  • I don’t feel guilt. My kids get “Special Assistance” passes at theme parks thanks to the ADA. Yes we skip lines or get a ‘come back time’ so my kids don’t stand in a 2 hour line for a ride. My hubby still feels a little guilty but my kids will live with diabetes for all their lives – skipping a few ride lines a couple of times a year  isn’t taking advantage of their disease. It allows us to attend theme parks without fear (well until they are stuck 150 feet up with no sugar).
  • Animas – please consider having multiple reminder alerts for low cartridges. One alert is not enough for a 13-year-old teenage girl. It is too easy to hit a button and move on to life’s more important things like gossip, boys, and new braid styles. Result of only one alert – daughter runs out of insulin an hour after school starts while I am 30 miles away.
  • Kids taking part in the Big Blue Test daily. As if they were not competitive enough with their numbers – the Big Blue Test has added an entirely new level of competition. I’m not complaining – they have been more active the last week than the entire month prior. Take the Big Blue Test – test your blood sugar – get active – test again – upload results to BigBlueTest.org.  Some suggestions of how to be active: dance in your cubical, chase squirrels, do lunges while shopping, dust baseboards (ok that’s not fun but when my kids tell me they are bored I make them dust baseboards and used info for BBT), and/or adult pwd – have vigorous sex – come on you know it lowers blood sugar). Click here for more information about Big Blue Test.
  • I have Dexcom G4 envy! Please FDA hurry up and approve for under 17.
  • Hiring contractor to build a bedroom for our dear daughter upstairs using a portion of our game room. It will mean giving up a pool table and wet bar but the benefit of having all my kids sleeping on the same floor as me will be worth it. No more twisted ankles due to navigating dark stairs at night to check blood sugars.
  • Just saw that DSMA Tweetchat will be a free for all on Wednesday Oct 31st. That’s just spooky. Chaos reigns. Hope some of the DOC will be available to chat it up prior to or just after begging door to door for candy. Click here for DSMA webpage to get the Tweetchat link. Chats are every Wednesday at 6pm Pacific time.