What does insecurity cause?
I have been insecure with myself for nearly my entire life.
I’ve rarely thought of myself as attractive or smart or funny or worth anyones effort.
Insecurity leads to destructive behaviors and poor decisions fueled by fear, anger, depression and resentment.
So my wish for the remainder of 2015 and all the years to come is that my family and my friends always feel they are enough for me.
That may sound odd, maybe even a bit arrogant. That isn’t my intention. I can’t change how others in this world make my children, husband or friends feel, but I can change how I make them feel. I want them to always know that they are enough, that they are my joy, that I am their biggest fan and that they are my world.
I don’t ever want to be the source of their insecurities.
That is a hard wish to fulfill as a mom of 3 children with diabetes.
There are endless questions regarding diabetes.
“Did you bolus?”
“Did you check?”
“What’s your blood sugar?”
“Do you have fast carbohydrates on you?”
“Why are you so high?”
“How much insulin is in your pump?”
“When did you do your last infusion site?”
Those questions can often feel like attacks. They aren’t. They are just questions.
The hardest part is those questions are asked daily often to different children at different times, but that doesn’t matter since the other children hear the questions all the time. It is an almost endless narrative.
I don’t want it to be their internal narrative.
Diabetes is hard. It is constant. I want it to be nothing more than white noise.
Feeling like you are enough is a powerful thing. Feeling like you make a difference in the lives of others gives you strength and motivates you to do more while knowing you don’t need to. Feeling unconditional love encourages us to love ourselves.
I don’t ever want my kids to think they aren’t enough and I’ll be damned if I let diabetes get in the way.