If Only They Could See Me



…through my eyes.


So there is a saying that I say to my kids (especially my daughter) often.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes”

I tell them this because I see them as strong, smart, brave, beautiful kids with amazing souls. Now granted they can be little hellions too, but this blog isn’t about teenage hormones and how it is a cruel joke that God continuously giggles at.

Sometimes insecurities cause us to be our worst critics and it is then that I wish they could see themselves how I see them.

Tonight – I find myself wishing something different.

I find myself wishing some of those I love most could see ME the way I see ME.

Maybe it would help them understand me. Maybe it would explain a few of my several shades of crazy. Maybe it would allow them to let go of some of the UGLY they DO see in me.

I guess I should share how I see myself: (not all are positive but for the sake of honestly I shared everything I see yet nothing as bad as I sometimes thinks others see in me)

  • Honest to a fault
  • Overweight
  • Loyal
  • Loving
  • Outgoing
  • Outspoken
  • Trusting
  • Funny
  • Generous
  • Witty(ish)
  • Smart(ish)
  • Sarcastic
  • Positive
  • Quiet (when I am hurting)
  • Quick Tempered
  • Not quick to forgive (yet I almost always do)
  • Stubborn
  • Potty Mouthed
  • Scared
  • Irrational/Very Rational (depends on situation)
  • Meticulous yet slacking
  • Dorky
  • Far from graceful
  • Tendency to over react
  • Insecure
  • Brave
  • Strong
  • A good friend
  • Afraid of failing
  • Lonely

When it comes to diabetes I worry a lot but it doesn’t consume me. Not like it used to. I roll with it more often than I loose it. I admit it is harder with my daughter who is trying to exert her independence but not always doing what I think she should.

When there is a conflict between what I think she should be doing and what she thinks she is doing I become the enemy. It wouldn’t be fair for me to share all sorts of sorted details about recent disagreements so I won’t. She has a life to live after she leaves my home and although I don’t share my kids names those who know me, know who my kids are and sharing our dirty laundry with the world would be wrong.

That being said – if she and all my family could see me through my eyes they would see a mom and wife who loves them more than the sun, moon and stars – more than Reese’s (that says a lot). They would see me trying my hardest to hide the anxiety I feel when they are off doing fun things for extended periods with others that don’t know D like I know D. They would see me struggling with giving them space while trying to hold their hand. They would see me wanting the very best for them. Just enough sorrow to recognize the happiness, just enough strife to make them strong, just enough fear to make them brave, just enough rejections to make them know when they are wanted, just enough failure to help them succeed. They would see my heart break twice as hard as theirs when they are sad. They would see me want to ‘end’ those who hurt them. They would see my heart swell when they are happy. They would know I never want to yell, I don’t look for arguments, I don’t intentionally cause them stress. They would know how sorry I am when I make mistakes.

If they saw all of this maybe I wouldn’t be accused of looking for things to be angry about. I wouldn’t be accused of waiting for others to make mistakes so I could point them out. Being negative is the last thing I ever want to be. There are enough woes in this world without me looking for them.

I don’t know much in this world but I know how to love. I know I’m a good and honest person. I know I make mistakes. I know I’m not perfect. I know I use my ugly voice more often than I’d like. I know I’m always trying to be better.

I wish those I love could truly see me because sometimes the person I believe they see is not very pretty.


There Are No Strangers In The D World

Monday I discovered my little dog had a terrible infection on one of his rear legs. Required emergency surgery to remove dead and infected tissue.

On Tuesday I needed to have Sugarboy in Palo Alto to start the second part of the study he is participating in.

On Wednesday the kids and I were leaving NorCal to travel to the Seattle area to house shop.

Meanwhile I was frantically finishing up cleaning and organizing my home so it could be listed for sale Wednesday evening.

I started packing for our trip Wednesday at 4:30pm – flight was scheduled for 9pm which meant leaving the house by 5:30pm because I’d be driving to SFO during rush hour.

3 pair of pants for each kid, 4 shirts, 4 underwear, 4 pairs of socks – check

toothbrush, toothpaste for each kid – check

jackets – check

electronics (DS’s, ipad, phones, chargers, laptop) – check

clothes for me – check (not really I forgot to pack pants)

Seems all in order right? oh wait I forgot about the elephant.

photo 1

Insulin – check

3 different pump cartridges and two different infusion sets (3 kids on 3 different pumps) – check

CGM sensors (part of study for Sugarboy) – check

Computer that is used with study – check

Glucagon – check

Lantus and syringes – (just in case) – check

Extra pump (just in case) – check

ketone strips and meter (also part of study) – check

Ketone stix (part of study and just in case) – check

Zofran (just in case) – check

Test strips for two different meters – NOPE

photo 2

I only packed contour strips – didn’t pack OneTouch Ultra strips for Middles.

Sweetstuff and Sugarboy are both using Contour Next meters.

Sugarboy can’t share his meter since it is for the study. Sweetstuff wasn’t keen on sharing.

Middles was down to 5 strips by 9am today. 3 days to go before we are home. Shit.

Here is where AWESOME happens.

There is a Facebook group I was invited to join for the Seattle area.

Much like many other local groups around the country. Parents of CWD.

I posted in the group that I was visiting and needed test strips around 9am this morning.

By 9:30 I had 3 responses. “Sure I have strips, where would you like to meet up?”

Please note – I’ve never met any of the parents IRL from this group.

I’ve only been part of the group since early November.

Yet these parents answered the call. A stranger in the diabetes world is no stranger at all is what I have learned.

I don’t want to share the name of the group or the folks that responded because the group is private and honestly I’m not even “friends” with them (yet) on Facebook but still in case any of them find their way to my humble slice of the blogosphere I’d like to give a huge shout-out and express my sincerest gratitude for their generosity.

The diabetes online community is a magical place and stretches further than twitter, blogs,  Facebook and Instagram. It embraces us all with outstretched arms and touches our hearts. IMHO.

Thank you again G and everyone that responded so quickly to my post. I am so blessed in this area already and I haven’t even moved here yet.

Oh and while I am tossing out a shout-out Id like to include three others.

One goes to a mom of a CWD that I was introduced to via email after contacting the Seattle are JDRF. She is on the board and we have exchanged a number of emails, chatted on the phone, Facebook messages and texts. She has been instrumental in helping me understand the area. Sadly there were no homes that met our needs and budget real close by to this new friend but I’m sure we will meet up soon and I’ll be seeing her at JDRF functions.

Another local parent of a CWD has also exchanged been helping me learn the area and shared her experiences with diabetes in Seattle. Again sadly no homes near her but certainly look forward to meeting up and getting to know this wonderful Dmom.

Lastly – I “met” (online via the Facebook group) another Dmom in the area I hope to buy a home. I had again posted in the group a question about a particular city and asked if anyone was around. She responded and has shared wonderful information about the area we hope to buy a home. She has a daughter with T1 Sugarboy’s age and even works at the school the kids would attend.

This post isn’t witty or funny or exceptionally intelligent in general but for me it was a very blessed day – a reminder that no matter where we live my kids and I will never be alone.

Thank you to all the Dfamilies that have taken the time to welcome us to the area.


oh F***

I’m torn. Really seriously torn. I want to give these kids kudos. I want to congratulate them and wish them luck at the Grammies. I want to thank them for raising awareness about the dangers of sugars and how eating unhealthy can/will lead to obesity and other health issues.

The thing is – I can’t. I can’t congratulate them, wish them luck or thank them because of one of the last text slides after their video.


No indication as to what form of Diabetes the creators are targeting.

Hear is the info shared beneath the video on YouTube – (which you can only see if you expand the text by clicking “Show More”) HERE is the link to the video.

“In PUSHIN’ WEIGHT, directed by Jamie DeWolf, Simone Bridges makes the metaphorical connection between the Food Industry, High Sugar foods and the pushing of drugs on our streets. Youth Speaks and UCSF Center for Vulnerable Populations are leading the campaign against Type 2 Diabetes with our new project, The Bigger Picture. Raise your voice TODAY!”

The “Type 2 Diabetes” is not in bold in the text under the video – I altered the quote to raise a point. This is the only place the phrase “Type 2 Diabetes” is used.

I won’t even go into how wrong I think it is overall to be suggesting that Type 2 Diabetes is caused simply by unhealthy eating. There are other reasons Type 2 Diabetes happens too.

But I am a parent of 3 children with Type 1 Diabetes. My kids did not get diabetes because I pumped them full of sugar, corn syrup, bacon and fat. I fight often to educate people about how Type 1 Diabetes happens and first and foremost how it has nothing to do with what I fed my kids or what I ate while pregnant.

I am proud of these kids. I’m glad they created a PSA video. I just wish they didn’t include “Diabetes” in their slides or if they really felt it necessary – they could have listed Type 2 Diabetes as one of many health problems that can be caused by poor food choices.

How did I come to find this *gem of a video. An email I received from “The Daily Good”. I get daily emails from “Good” and most are worth the read/watch. I was excited at first when I saw the subject line of today’s email.

“Watch This Diabetes PSA – Could Probably Win a Rap Grammy” 

Here is the text from the email I received which included a link to the video I shared above.

“Highlighting how today’s sugar consumption is similar to drug addiction, Youth Speaks and UCSF Center for Vulnerable Populations have teamed up with high schoolers to raise important questions about healthy food access with provocative PSAs about diabetes. Their campaign, The Bigger Picture, gives youth opportunities to not only show-off their creative skills, but also win educational scholarships.”

Click HERE to learn more about The Daily Good. Most the stuff I receive is *Good, today’s was an exception not a norm.

I do hope these kids receive educational scholarships. Their video is quite good. But still – it didn’t need to focus on diabetes – any kind. And honestly – for shame UCSF for not recognizing how this video could have a negative impact on how hard those of us in the Type 1 community (and all of the DOC) work to educate others.

I find it ironic that this is my first post of 2014 and follows behind my daughters guest post about the boy in her class that suggested he would get diabetes from eating too much sugar.

Happy friggen New Year.